Struggling and alone on Xmas

So the past week since school ended has been eventful in a not so great way… my ankle has been hurting more and more lately – remember how I fell in November and had a sprained/swollen ankle? I went to the urgent care here on Thursday night because I couldn’t put any weight on it anymore. Well it looks like it was more than a sprain, I tore the major tendon on the side of my ankle that supports my foot/weight. Xrays showed it wasn’t a fracture, but apparently when you tear it as badly as I did it actually hurts more than a broken ankle – so said the doctor.

So they wrapped me up and slapped on an air cast (it’s a fancy brace/splint thing). Now I’m hobbling around with that, kinda unable to wear shoes currently, and stuck in the apartment.

BF is at his mom’s for xmas celebrations – I couldn’t go even if I wanted to, I’m allergic to their mold filled apartment and can’t sit for hours in a metal foldup chair in their hallway eating on my lap, so I’m here with the dog.

There are no presents to or from anyone – I don’t have anyone in my life other than a few online pals (who I wouldn’t force to send me things anyway) and my bf… he was denied disability again on Friday – so no relief coming there.

So I feel very grinchy and ba-humbug Scroogy… I’m miserable in pain, depressed because everything seems so pointless right now – I student teach in a week, for 6 months, with no income and no stability. The season always gets me down, but shit just feels extra crap… I wish I could at least manage to earn enough to pay rent and basic bills – I’d feel safer knowing I wasn’t going to potentially be evicted or living in my car soon.

I barely passed my last class for teaching, though I put in hundreds of hours of work and busted my ass at the sacrifice of income, health, and my other classes. The teacher has her sights on me and makes sure to nickpick and grade me very poorly. Luckily I still passed, and I requested a different teacher supervise my teaching portion coming up. Fingers crossed this shitty ride is almost over.

Sorry I’m struggling and I don’t have my shit together and I’m distant with emails or flakey or anything else people perceive me to be. I’m not in a good place in any way and I’m doing my best to survive.

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